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Game characters and games they'd totally suck at

We love our video game heroes. Mario, Pac Man, the little Galaga Spaceship - but few people realize that, if those characters had appeared in *different* games, today nobody would care about them any more...

(submissions for Video Game Characters who's Suck At Other Games)

Sure, the Sims are cool and all, but put them into Modern Warfare and their floating green gems turn into life hazards!

Mario is the grandfather of all Jump'n'Runs. He jumped around before MasterChief even wet his cybernappies. And yet - compared to the classes in Tribes he pretty much sucks:

Important life lessons

Some submissions that didn't make it, about lessons some people appear to need:

Dick Jokes

"Make famous photos filthy with censorship!", cracked shouted.

And I complied - as usual. Made it into the article twice too - but all in all it's just another dick in the wall, so pardon me if I want this to be over with dick... errr.... Quick!

Secret Backstories to Classic Video Games

My submissions for Unseen Backstories of Classic Video Games:

A possible explanation for the weird and twisted things Mario encounters on his adventures:

Why the Space Invaders are so angry:

Only few historians know that Mario was an agent in the French Revolution and was sent to find the Princess so she could be put on the guillotine like her parents!

Some things start so small...:

More Fun with Movies

Damn, I'm starting to lag behind with these... Okay - here we go: When the topic for photoplasties on cracked.com was Disastrous changes to movies I came up with the following images:

Entry number one today is Luke Skywalker, driving his environment friendly Landspeeder:

Then a scene from the climactic ... errr ... climax of the movie "King":

Less famous siblings of fictional characters

Oh - I almost forgot to post this, had it prepared and all...

When Cracked was looking for Less famous siblings of fictional characters I, of course submitted a few too.

First there's Fred of Nazareth (who made it into the main article):

The Horrible Truth about Everyday Foodstuffs

20 Terrifying Theories About How They Make Famous Products is only what Cracked showed you last week. There is much more you hoped you'd never find out about what you eat or drink...

Are you, for example, a vegetarian who prefers vegetables and salads over meat, because you think no animals get killed for them? Only few people know that, only for one small salad, Eskimo hunters have to kill a grown sea lion!

Messing with movie posters

Another of the topics I completely failed to make points in last week on cracked was If Movie Posters Were Sarcastic - I somehow didn't really get that many ideas out of that, so I simply messed with some movie posters in general. I guess some are okay on their own:

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